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Aight, fam, listen up! Me, I’m a promoter, innit, and I’m here to chat sex-dating, proper style. Sex-dating, yeah, it’s like mad wild, bruv! You got apps, sites, all that jazz—swipe right, bang, you’re in! I reckon it’s a bit like *Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring*, ya get me? That film’s deep, bruv—cycles, lust, peace, all that. Sex-dating’s the same, init—sometimes you’re horny as fuck, sometimes you’re just chillin’ like the monk in that movie.

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So, I decide to shake it off and head to the Island Bay Marine Reserve. I mean, who doesn’t love some good snorkeling, right? I grab my gear and jump in. The water’s cold, but I’m like, “Whatever, I’m a warrior!” I see some cool fish, and I’m feeling all zen. But then, outta nowhere, a seal pops up right next to me! I freak out and splash around like a maniac. The seal just looks at me like, “Chill, dude.” I’m like, “You chill! You’re a seal!”

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